


Just Neil

by kiraisstillhere



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Haircuts, M/M, and then fixing the issue, but not really it's more like neil being uncomfortable, maybe a dash of angst, neil has a problem with his appearance but he fixes it, plus andrew thinks that it looks good so that's really just a bonus for neil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:27:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiraisstillhere/pseuds/kiraisstillhere
Summary: It’s not that it looks bad, Neil thought, but there’s something frustrating about the reflection in the mirror. There’s something about the image that just isn’t Neil Josten, something that feels off about it.--Neil decides that he needs to change his hair. It's always made him a new person before, why would now be any different?
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 9
Kudos: 222





	Just Neil

**Author's Note:**

> my hair was bothering me super badly the other day, and so, this fic was born from that frustration! there's not much else to it other than that - i needed to get the emotions about it out somehow, and here we are. hope you enjoy!

It’s not that it looks  _ bad _ , Neil thought, but there’s something frustrating about the reflection in the mirror. There’s something about the image that just isn’t Neil Josten, something that feels off about it.

He was still staring at his face in the mirror when Andrew knocked his knuckles gently against the bathroom door, silently asking for entry.

“Yeah,” Neil said, just loud enough to be heard through the door. He realized that he had been in the bathroom long enough for his hair to start drying after his shower.

This had all started during his morning run. His hair was getting long - long enough that Allison had starting braiding it back before games for him in the locker room, and that Kevin had taught him how to put it in a bun that wouldn’t press around in the helmet. He’d had to tie it back for the run, and he’d taken it down for his shower, and now?

Now he’s here, pieces of hair starting to curl at his chin and around his shoulders, and it’s just fucking  _ wrong _ .

In the mirror, Neil watched the door open and Andrew walked in, running his fingers through his own hair. 

He’d just had it cut the other day - they’d gone over to Nicky’s dorm so that Andrew could sit in the bathroom and scroll mindlessly on his phone while Nicky sang Spanish songs and clipped away at the hair.

Andrew’s hair was an undercut - Nicky had been practicing his skills and Andrew’s hair was getting shaggy - a perfect blend of necessity and convenience. Neil liked that he could run his fingers through the long part on top, and Andrew was content to have the shorter area scratched gently.

Neil didn’t want an undercut though. There was something about his hair the was important to him. He liked it long. Having the girls brush it and play with it was fun, but it was wrong and it was right at the same time and found himself getting more and more worked up over the whole problem that called itself his reflection, unable to look away from it until a harsh snap of plastic breaking tore him away from his thoughts.

In his hand, his poor toothbrush was now in two pieces, and Neil was grateful that he only bought one dollar packs at the local drugstore.

”Yes or no?” Andrew asked, inching closer to Neil.

Andrew would be nice right now.

“Yes,” Neil answered, and he continued to glare at his hair as he felt Andrew’s arms wrap around his bare torso. 

Andrew hooked his chin over Neil’s shoulder and he met Neil’s frustration in the mirror.

“Who pissed in your Gatorade?”

_ Eloquent as ever _ , Neil thought. Though he was fairly certain that Andrew had picked that particular phrase up from spending too much time with Matt during their after-practice shootouts.

“It’s nothing,” Neil said, looking down and fully aware that he was brushing off a very big something.

The unappeased hum from Andrew was enough to tell him that Andrew was also very aware that this was  _ something _ .

“A broken toothbrush doesn’t look like nothing.”

Neil sighed, and lifted a hand, placing it over Andrew’s that were wrapped around his stomach. “Okay, so it’s not  _ nothing _ , but I can’t really word it right now. I’ll tell you later, if I figure out how.”

Another hum let Neil know that Andrew was content to wait. They stayed like that a little longer, Andrew holding Neil to his chest with strong arms, swaying gently to the sound of the bathroom fan until Andrew gave one last squeeze and pressed a kiss to the edge of the iron scar on Neil’s shoulder.

“I have to go to class. Get out so I can use the bathroom.”

Andrew left the dorm with a  _ don’t be stupid _ and some horrifying caffeinated chocolate bar that he’d bought at the student union.

Math homework was out of the question. Somehow, Neil had managed to make it so that he didn’t have classes on Fridays. It often left him alone in the dorm for a few hours in the mornings when Andrew and Kevin went off to their classes. Usually, the time was dedicated to homework, followed by watching the most recent tv show or movie that one of the other Foxes had suggested.

Today was different. Neil tried to take Andrew’s suggestion to heart, but it was a known fact that Neil had a poor definition of what being stupid meant, and this time was no different than any other.

He’d tried Netflix. Matt insisted that he watch some of the shows that he’d missed during his childhood on the run, but the distraction only lasted for so long. There was that itch under his skin, different from the kind that prompted him to run, but still prickling and uncomfortable nonetheless.

A chunk of hair slipped over his ear, falling into his line of sight, and that was when Neil decided that maybe  _ one _ impulsive decision would be fine.

There was a pair of scissors in the kitchen. Technically they were Nicky’s, but he’d left them behind and neither Neil nor Andrew were going to say anything about it. He shut his laptop with a snap and hoped that his screen was still intact, practically leaping off of the bed.

It was a heady, drunken feeling as Neil yanked open the cabinet with shaking fingers. The energy in his veins was something akin to the first time he’d had cracker dust forced into his system, but this? This was a welcome fire, one that came with a rush in his ears and and a burning in his chest.

Scissors in hand, Neil made his way to the bathroom, the nervous energy quickly giving way to excitement. In the mirror, Neil saw a giddy look pasted across his face. As fucked up as it was, one of his favorite memories of his childhood was when he and his mother would change themselves yet again.

He had a vision of eating a box of sour candy from the checkout counter while his mom worked bleach through his mess of curls. She was telling him about where they were going next - Neil was still young enough that she couldn’t fully tell him what was going on, so she was telling him how fun it would be to see the mountains as they drive through the Dakotas. The promise of fast food from some lowdown burger joint that didn’t ask questions was enough for Neil.

Changing his hair had always made him a new person before. Maybe it would change him again.

The drugstore down the street from campus sold box dye for five dollars, and Neil considered running down to get some. He decided against it only seconds later, when he remembered that Renee had a better bleach and toner in the girls’ room.

Plus, what he really wanted wasn’t a new hair  _ color _ , the length had just been bothering him so much that he had to fix it.

With that thought in mind, Neil brushed out his hair as best he could, took a deep breath, and cut into the first chunk of hair.

The sound of hair crunching under the scissors was a delicate one, a bit like cutting into a fragile fabric and knowing the one mistake could mess up the entire end result. Neil blinked a few strands that had fallen into his eyelashes away and looked in the mirror at the length of the first piece.

It was still a bit long, and Neil cut a little more off, until he was pleased with where the piece of newly cut bangs fell on his forehead. He clipped upwards into it, turning the straight line into a shaggy mess, and decided that it was exactly what he wanted.

Proud of how his first test piece had turned out, Neil lifted the scissors again and started hacking away at the sections at the side of his head, trimming away until the pieces ended at the bottom of his ears, rather than below his chin. As for the long pieces from the back of his head, Neil kept cutting at them until he felt the hair at the nape of his neck.

He had never really had a part in his hair, unless it had been forced by his mom for a new appearance. Neil’s hair tended to just flop forward, and he took advantage now, taking the scissors in on the pieces that sat on top of his head.

With every piece of hair that fell to the ground, Neil felt himself getting lighter. An unknown weight was slowly lifting from his shoulders, and the itch under his skin was almost completely gone. By the time he finished, he felt like he had done it again - he’d become a new person.

Except this time, the new person was still Neil Josten. He was still Neil staring back at himself in the mirror - not Nathaniel in hiding, just Neil, with a new haircut.

He kind of liked the feeling of being just Neil.

In his reflection, Neil admired his handiwork. It was a hack-job haircut to the fullest. The whole cut could only be described as shaggy; messy layers and uneven ends all around his head, and his wavy almost-curls made it look like the straighter parts of his hair were sticking up at odds and ends. A permanent bedhead was a new look, but not bad one.

_ Just Neil _ .

A swirl of the same giddiness from when he’d grabbed the scissors in the first place filled his chest, and Neil dared a wide, toothy smile at himself. Finally, he looked  _ right _ , just right. No frustration, with everything in its place.

The mess of hair all over his shirt continued down to the countertop, into the sink, and all over the floor. Neil wiped the scissors down with a wet paper towel in the kitchen and put them away in their place in the drawer again. He grabbed the broom and dustpan, sweeping up the flurry of hair in the bathroom and dumping it in the garbage bin, and made sure that there was no hair clogging the sink’s drain.

Happy with how his hair turned out, and much more relaxed without the angry build-up of  _ wrong wrong wrong _ in his system, Neil took his laptop into the living space and curled up against the arm of the couch to finish watching the movie he’d paused.

Two movies later, Neil was half asleep on the couch when the lock on the door clicked open.

“I’m home,” Andrew announced, marching into the bedroom. Neil could hear the way he dumped his backpack unceremoniously on the floor and how he kicked his shoes off under the bed.

Muted footsteps walked back into the living space, and then stopped rather abruptly.

Neil opened his eyes slowly to see Andrew standing, frozen in place as he looked over the back of the couch at Neil. His brows were squinted in just a little, eyes trained on Neil’s hair.

“What’s up?” Neil asked with a sleepy smile. “Classes okay?”

Andrew’s eyes stayed on Neil. “They were fine,” he said slowly. “When did that happen?”

“Hmm? Oh,” Neil said casually, blowing away some of the shaggy pieces that had fallen into his line of sight. “I fixed the something that I was feeling.”

Andrew’s hand extends slowly out, hovering over Neil’s head. “Yes or no?” He asks, voice even and calm.

“Yeah, of course, Drew.”

Andrew’s fingers combed through Neil’s hair, scratching at his scalp. He seemed enamored with the layers, like he’d never seen them before, despite the fact that Nicky had done layers for Andrew’s undercut.

“It looks nice,” Andrew said offhandedly, still distracted by Neil. He was leaning over the couch now, and Neil could only assume that he was focused on the hair more than anything else.

Usually, it would feel strange, someone focusing on such a trivial part of his appearance. Andrew was different though - he still saw him as Neil. He hadn’t asked if he was trying to run. Hadn’t said anything besides the fact that it looked nice.

Neil tilted up a bit into Andrew’s touch, feeling warmth blossom in his chest. This was Andrew. Andrew liked Neil as who he was. Andrew liked him when he was just Neil.

Neil liked when he was just Neil too.

**Author's Note:**

> come yell with me about aftg on [twitter](https://twitter.com/cybbetta) and [tumblr](https://www.alvarezforthegame.tumblr.com)


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